Conversation with a blog
Blog: You’re staring at me again.
Me: What?
Blog: You’ve been staring at me for 15 minutes now. Got the writer’s block, huh?
Me: I’m thinking, ok? … What’s it to you anyway?
Blog: It’s just painful watching you type a few words, stare, type a bit, delete, and stare again.
Me: Well, I’ve got the main points. I just need to fill in the details.
Blog: …
Me: That’s not really why you’re talking to me, are you? So what’s up?
Blog: It’s just, well …
Me: Yes?
Blog: I, *shift position*, uh…
Me: Uh huh?
Blog: … uh *suddenly perks up* what about Saving Private Ryan?
Me: What?
Blog: You know, that guy you stuck in the stone ruins?
Me: *raise eye brow*
Blog: He solved some puzzle, and then you got him to go into the underground cave?
Me: Oh, right. I was going to save him. I mean I am going to save him. And he’s not a private. He’s not even in the military.
Blog: So what is he?
Me: Ryan’s a programmer, and also very good at solving puzzles. And I’m revealing too much already. Hey, are you taking down notes? *rising tone of alarm*
Blog: Uh huh.
Me: Hey delete that! You can’t publish that. All the mystery would be out.
Blog: Your readers will want to know what’s going to happen.
Me: Yes, of course. I have the story all mapped out. I just need to come up with an appropriate puzzle.
Blog: Riiight…
Me: Hey, it’s hard coming up with something unique, ok? I want to introduce a concept, it has to be moderately hard to figure out, and it has to fit into the story. It’s just hard ok?
Blog: I see you’re also slacking off. *checks files* You’re not posting as much.
Me: I’m re-prioritising. There’s a difference.
Blog: Semantics.
Me: Well, it’s just … my readers don’t seem to be talking to me much. They don’t seem to want to talk about what I wrote too. I don’t know if what I wrote was complete brilliance or utter rubbish. Either one could be the reason for their inertia.
Blog: Why don’t you just ask them?
Me: I did! At least I thought I did. A few people replied, probably out of pity *voice cracks, small voice* Can’t believe I’m talking to some nosy writing software…
Blog: Hey! I resent that.
Me: *smiles* I’m sorry. You’re a good friend. Oh yeah, where’s my contact page?
Blog: *points at a spot*
Me: Right. See? People can ask me any questions with that, or tell me I’m right on this or wrong on that or …
Blog: …
Me: Something’s still on your mind. Alright, cough it up. What’s going on?
Blog: It’s just, I’ve worked very hard for you.
Me: Yes, I know. And I thank you for it.
Blog: I mean, I displayed *checks some files* 197 posts for you.
Me: Wow! Has it been that many?
Blog: And got my friend, Defensio, to keep out spam. *checks another file* Like 2820 of them.
Me: Oh my goodness!
Blog: I work day and night …
Me: I work nights too …
Blog: *sniffs* 24 hours a day …
Me: I appreciate that …
Blog: 7 days a week. *sniffs* I even changed my entire outfit for you!
Me: Hey …
Blog: And what have you done for me? *voice cracks*
Me: Wait, are you crying?
Blog: Do you even know what day today is?
Me: Uh, it’s a Thursday?
Blog: *flips through folder, and grabs a sheet of paper* Here!
Me: *takes paper and read* … Oh, that’s my first post! Did I really write that? Oh man, that’s so embarrassing…
Blog: *bawls* Look at the date!
Me: Ok, ok… it’s 12 June, year 2007. What’s so speci… oh. Today’s 12 June, isn’t it?
Blog: *bawls some more*
Me: Hey hey hey… *grabs tissue paper and hand it over* Please stop crying.
Blog: *sniffs, wipe tears*
Me: I’m sorry, ok? You’re one year old today, aren’t you?
Blog: *nods*
Me: Happy birthday! I’m sorry, I totally forgot about it…
Blog: *tightens lips, eyes tearing*
Me: Hey, hey, hear me out! I’m sorry I didn’t get you a present.
Blog: *wipes tears*
Me: I have some plans, and one of them involves making you popular.
Blog: *in small voice* Really?
Me: Alright, maybe not celebrity popular, but more well-known. I’m also thinking of …
Blog: Not talking about math formulas?
Me: Getting some sponsorship … what? Hey, math is what makes you stand out, you know?
Blog: It does?
Me: It’s not like I write about differentiation of math equations… well, at least not yet.
Blog: Well, write more about programming stuff.
Me: I can’t exactly go around answering non-existent programming questions, can I? I’m looking…
Blog: Well, look harder. *sniff* I’m starting to feel a little lonely.
Me: It takes time and effort. I’m trying really hard…
Blog: There’s a programming party going on at Alltop, and I just barely got invited. It sucks to not know anybody.
Me: Hey, tone down your language.
Blog: You use the word “suck”.
Me: Well, I’m different. I’m a grown up.
Blog: Not by very much it seems. You still get mistaken for a student.
Me: Well, I have boyishly good looks… wait a minute, are you still taking notes?
Blog: Uh huh.
Me: Don’t you dare publish that! … Oh dear, it’s already published, isn’t it?
Blog: I’m a blog. That’s what I do.
Me: *groans*
Blog: Relax. Think of it as a birthday present for me.
Me: Right. *sighs*
Blog: And remember that popular thing.
Me: Of course. Now go bother someone else on the Internet, I’ve got some writing to do. And to find a hole to hide…
Tags: birthday
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Hi! I write about maths and programming and other topics of esoteric interest. I'm also the editor of the online magazine Singularity, and you can get the latest issue at the top (it's free!).
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