Conversation with a blog

Blog: You’re staring at me again.
Me: What?
Blog: You’ve been staring at me for 15 minutes now. Got the writer’s block, huh?
Me: I’m thinking, ok? … What’s it to you anyway?
Blog: It’s just painful watching you type a few words, stare, type a bit, delete, and stare again.
Me: Well, I’ve got the main points. I just need to fill in the details.
Blog: …
Me: That’s not really why you’re talking to me, are you? So what’s up?

Blog: It’s just, well …
Me: Yes?
Blog: I, *shift position*, uh…
Me: Uh huh?
Blog: … uh *suddenly perks up* what about Saving Private Ryan?
Me: What?
Blog: You know, that guy you stuck in the stone ruins?
Me: *raise eye brow*
Blog: He solved some puzzle, and then you got him to go into the underground cave?
Me: Oh, right. I was going to save him. I mean I am going to save him. And he’s not a private. He’s not even in the military.
Blog: So what is he?
Me: Ryan’s a programmer, and also very good at solving puzzles. And I’m revealing too much already. Hey, are you taking down notes? *rising tone of alarm*
Blog: Uh huh.
Me: Hey delete that! You can’t publish that. All the mystery would be out.
Blog: Your readers will want to know what’s going to happen.
Me: Yes, of course. I have the story all mapped out. I just need to come up with an appropriate puzzle.
Blog: Riiight…
Me: Hey, it’s hard coming up with something unique, ok? I want to introduce a concept, it has to be moderately hard to figure out, and it has to fit into the story. It’s just hard ok?

Blog: I see you’re also slacking off. *checks files* You’re not posting as much.
Me: I’m re-prioritising. There’s a difference.
Blog: Semantics.
Me: Well, it’s just … my readers don’t seem to be talking to me much. They don’t seem to want to talk about what I wrote too. I don’t know if what I wrote was complete brilliance or utter rubbish. Either one could be the reason for their inertia.
Blog: Why don’t you just ask them?
Me: I did! At least I thought I did. A few people replied, probably out of pity *voice cracks, small voice* Can’t believe I’m talking to some nosy writing software…
Blog: Hey! I resent that.
Me: *smiles* I’m sorry. You’re a good friend. Oh yeah, where’s my contact page?
Blog: *points at a spot*
Me: Right. See? People can ask me any questions with that, or tell me I’m right on this or wrong on that or …

Blog: …
Me: Something’s still on your mind. Alright, cough it up. What’s going on?
Blog: It’s just, I’ve worked very hard for you.
Me: Yes, I know. And I thank you for it.
Blog: I mean, I displayed *checks some files* 197 posts for you.
Me: Wow! Has it been that many?
Blog: And got my friend, Defensio, to keep out spam. *checks another file* Like 2820 of them.
Me: Oh my goodness!
Blog: I work day and night …
Me: I work nights too …
Blog: *sniffs* 24 hours a day …
Me: I appreciate that …
Blog: 7 days a week. *sniffs* I even changed my entire outfit for you!
Me: Hey …
Blog: And what have you done for me? *voice cracks*
Me: Wait, are you crying?

Blog: Do you even know what day today is?
Me: Uh, it’s a Thursday?
Blog: *flips through folder, and grabs a sheet of paper* Here!
Me: *takes paper and read* … Oh, that’s my first post! Did I really write that? Oh man, that’s so embarrassing…
Blog: *bawls* Look at the date!
Me: Ok, ok… it’s 12 June, year 2007. What’s so speci… oh. Today’s 12 June, isn’t it?
Blog: *bawls some more*
Me: Hey hey hey… *grabs tissue paper and hand it over* Please stop crying.
Blog: *sniffs, wipe tears*
Me: I’m sorry, ok? You’re one year old today, aren’t you?

Blog: *nods*
Me: Happy birthday! I’m sorry, I totally forgot about it…
Blog: *tightens lips, eyes tearing*
Me: Hey, hey, hear me out! I’m sorry I didn’t get you a present.
Blog: *wipes tears*
Me: I have some plans, and one of them involves making you popular.
Blog: *in small voice* Really?
Me: Alright, maybe not celebrity popular, but more well-known. I’m also thinking of …
Blog: Not talking about math formulas?
Me: Getting some sponsorship … what? Hey, math is what makes you stand out, you know?
Blog: It does?
Me: It’s not like I write about differentiation of math equations… well, at least not yet.
Blog: Well, write more about programming stuff.
Me: I can’t exactly go around answering non-existent programming questions, can I? I’m looking…
Blog: Well, look harder. *sniff* I’m starting to feel a little lonely.
Me: It takes time and effort. I’m trying really hard…

Blog: There’s a programming party going on at Alltop, and I just barely got invited. It sucks to not know anybody.
Me: Hey, tone down your language.
Blog: You use the word “suck”.
Me: Well, I’m different. I’m a grown up.
Blog: Not by very much it seems. You still get mistaken for a student.
Me: Well, I have boyishly good looks… wait a minute, are you still taking notes?
Blog: Uh huh.
Me: Don’t you dare publish that! … Oh dear, it’s already published, isn’t it?
Blog: I’m a blog. That’s what I do.
Me: *groans*
Blog: Relax. Think of it as a birthday present for me.
Me: Right. *sighs*
Blog: And remember that popular thing.
Me: Of course. Now go bother someone else on the Internet, I’ve got some writing to do. And to find a hole to hide…

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